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Browsing Posts published in November, 2009
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Avram Grant has always struck me as a likeable sort of chap. He reminds me of the guy who always seems to be pruning his roses when you walk past his house, so you stop to have a chat and then say your goodbyes when, after 45 seconds, you run out of things to say. But [...]
Avram Grant – Formulating “Tactics”
Avram Grant has always struck me as a likeable sort of chap. He reminds me of the guy who always seems to be pruning his roses when you walk past his house, so you stop to have a chat and then say your goodbyes when, after 45 seconds, you run out of things to say.
But as you’re walking away, paranoia steps in, probably induced by some bad drugs you took whilst in ‘Nam…
“Did we run out of things to say or did he simply stop talking to me? And why was he smiling at me like that all the time we were talking?”
Then you realise you’re just being stupid… you weren’t even in ‘Nam.
But you just can’t shake the feeling that he’s up to something. Once he finishes pruning his roses, he probably goes back into his house to conduct strange experiments that involve bubbling test tubes full of steaming, green liquid, human brains and rodents.
In an involuntary movement, you put your hands to your head and before you know it, you can’t remember what you were doing and where you were going so you turn around and walk back home.
You pass the old man’s house and he’s still there (for now) pruning his roses. He gives you a brief smile and a little wave (using the hand holding the secateurs). You resist the urge to scream, “You’re not having my brain you blood-sucking wacko!” and instead give him a little wave back, put your head down and walk briskly away.
When Avram Grant first arrived in English football way back in 2006, it was as technical director of Portsmouth, Harry Redknapp was in the hot seat. He had a lucky escape.
Grant left Portsmouth for Chelsea in July 2007 where he became Director of Football.
This quiet, unassuming man was surely no threat to the ultra-charismatic “Special One”, Jose Mourinho?
Don’t you believe it. Within three months of his arrival, Mourinho was out of a job and Grant was appointed manager.
His first game in charge was against Manchester United and he played the role to perfection. That startled rabbit-in-the-headlights look as he made his way to his seat before the game was a nice touch. He even had me fooled for a minute there. He genuinely looked like a guy who wondered what the hell he was doing there.
Allowing us to beat his side 2-0 was all part of the master plan and as he walked to the tunnel at the end of the game, the shell-shocked expression belied what was really going on behind the mask.
Bumbling his way through interviews, attempting to tell the occasional joke that no one thought was funny but laughed anyway out of sympathy, he didn’t exactly set the Premier League alight and many of the Chelsea faithful couldn’t quite take to him because he had replaced their Special One and possibly because there was something not quite… right… about him…
Despite this, however, he was getting results.
Chelsea eventually came second in the Premier League that season by just two points from Manchester United.
The Champions League final was also contested between Chelsea and Manchester United. In getting Chelsea to the Final, Grant had achieved what no other Chelsea manager had ever achieved – even the Special One fell short on that score.
Grant and his boys came within a whisker of taking the biggest prize in Club football but John Terry fell over.
We were never given the credit for this but by denying Grant these two prizes, we not only saved the face of football as we know it but possibly mankind, humanity and the lives of several rodents in the Cobham area too.
Chelsea later sacked Grant and whilst I have absolutely no evidence of this, I like to think that as he walked back to his car following his sacking, he was mumbling to himself, “You will rue this day, fools! My plan was plotted to perfection. It’s that stupid Terry’s fault. Such a tiny brain, I only took a tiny amount, how was I to know it was most of what he had? I will be back. Oh yes, I will be back. Mwahahahahaaa!”
And so, Grant disappeared for 18 months. Even the roses in his garden were largely ignored and neighbours asked each other if anyone had anyone seen him? Perhaps we should knock on and see if he’s ok? I would but… I don’t know… that old house gives me the creeps… sometimes I hear noises… I’m sure he’s fine, just busy. I heard he lost his job, you know.
Then, on 7th October 2009, Avram Grant suddenly appeared out of the blue to become Director of Football at Portsmouth.
Within two months, Paul Hart, the Portsmouth Manager was sacked and Avram Grant was given the job.
His first game in charge is against Manchester United…
Not the most accurate headline ever because, of course, the season started a few months ago and, if you’re a Liverpool supporter, the season ends here… but that’s a different story. I have just been looking through the upcoming fixtures and here are United’s next five Premier League fixtures (which take us up to Christmas) – [...]
Not the most accurate headline ever because, of course, the season started a few months ago and, if you’re a Liverpool supporter, the season ends here… but that’s a different story.
I have just been looking through the upcoming fixtures and here are United’s next five Premier League fixtures (which take us up to Christmas) – Portsmouth, West Ham, Aston Villa, Wolves and Fulham.
It must be said that three of those are away from home but they do look like very winnable games for us. Villa and Fulham look like the toughest on paper but knowing Manchester United, it will be Wolves that give us the toughest game or something equally unpredicatable.
Now look at Chelsea’s next five in the same period: Arsenal, Man City, Everton, Portsmouth and West Ham. Again, they have three away fixtures (Arsenal and Man City the most notable).
A lot is being written about Chelsea losing players to the African Cup of Nations in January and reports coming through at the minute are suggesting that they could be missing for as many as ten games although I doubt that this will happen (basically, although the tournament starts on 10th January, FIFA rules state that countries can ask that players report for training a full two weeks before the start of a tournament which would mean that they have to set off on 26th December – this looks an unlikely scenario to me).
Looking at the games Chelsea have during January, the fixture list appears to have been extremely kind. Games they have during January are: Hull, Sunderland, Birmingham and Burnley.
Conveniently, Chelsea play Arsenal again a week after the African Cup of Nations ends.
Still, we are now entering an extremely hectic phase of the season with games coming thick and fast and the more players the managers have at their disposal for rotation, the better.
Squad-wise, United look in pretty good shape at the moment and even Owen Hargreaves could make his return during the next few weeks which is like an ace up the sleeve for Fergie.
As I say, the season starts here.
(Liverpool, the Europa League starts for you in February, bring the trophy back home boys!)
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